Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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