Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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