normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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