Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
