i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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