Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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