Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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