his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
