I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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