mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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