dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
