sarcasm needs its own font
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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