cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize