am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
