My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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