Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
