I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
