I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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