I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
