yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
