so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My bed smells like the plague
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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