I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
it was like eating out sand paper
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
