biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
