just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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