I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
