Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
