I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
