I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
