are you still at the devil's house?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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