quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
