HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
