If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
