I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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