i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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