We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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