Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
