I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize