whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
