Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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