I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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