I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
