Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
