All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
