:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize