I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
