We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
