i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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