I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
