I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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