just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
there is glitter all over my balls
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
