I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
