every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
