never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
