I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
