I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He shit in the fireplace
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
