you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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