remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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