Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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