thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize