i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
