You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
