Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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