I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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