Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
