His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
