Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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