I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
