dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize