Plan B is the new Plan A
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
