So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
