I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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